Road To Recovery - Repairing Relationships

07/19/07
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Road To Recovery - Repairing Relationships
Ephesians 4:31-32

Principle #6 – Amends
Matthew 5:7,9
"Happy are the merciful"
"Happy are the peacemakers"

Steps to R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y

  1. Realize I'm NOT God! I admit I’m powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and my life is unmanageable.
  2. Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.
  3. Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control.
  4. Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.
  5. Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects.

The Sixth Step to R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y

  • Principle 6 – Evaluate all my relationships. Offer amends to those who’ve hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others except when to do so would harm them or others.
  • Ephesians 4:31-32 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger … along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
  • Matthew 5:7,9 “Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy.” “Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.”

Two parts to it

  • First, forgive those that have hurt me
  • Second, make amends to those I’ve hurt.

Forgive Those Who’ve Hurt Me

Why?

  • Because God has forgiven you.
    • Colossians 3:13 TLB “Never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
  • Luke 7:47-48 “Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.” 48Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
    • You will never have to forgive anybody else more than God has already forgiven you.
    • When you have a hard time forgiving other people it’s usually because you don’t feel forgiven.
  • You need to realize if God’s forgiven me then I need to forgive other people. Believe!
    • Because resentment doesn’t work.
      • Job 5:2 NKJ For wrath kills a foolish man, And envy slays a simple one.”
      • GNB “To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do.”
      • Ecclesiastes 6:9(paraphrased) “It’s foolish to harbor a grudge.”
      • Job 18:4 GNB “You are only hurting yourself with your anger!”
      • It cannot change the past, cannot correct the problem, it doesn’t change the person, it doesn’t even hurt that person, it only hurts you.
      • Job 21:23–25 “Some men stay healthy till the day they die … others have no happiness at all; they live and die with bitter hearts.”
  • Research - the two greatest causes of the physical problems in your life are guilt and resentment.
    • It’s not so much what you eat, it’s what eats you that matters.
  • Because I need forgiveness in the future.
    • Mark 11:25 TLB “When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive you your sins too.”
    • We cannot receive what we are unwilling to give.
      • Matthew 6:12 “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.”
  • Matthew 6:37 “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”

Forgive Those Who’ve Hurt Me

How?

  • Reveal my hurt
    • Admit it. Let it out. Face it. Be honest
    • You can’t get over hurt until you admit it hurt
    • Admit it and put it down on paper
  • Options when it comes to hurt
    • You can repress it
    • You can suppress it
    • Or you can confess it
      • There is no closure without disclosure
    • You release the offender. By forgiving them.
      • You don’t wait for them to ask for forgiveness.
        • Why? Because God has forgiven you and you’re going to need forgiveness in the future and resentment doesn’t work, it just makes you miserable.
  • How often?
    • Matthew 18:22 “Jesus answered, ‘Not seven times but seventy times seven times.’”
  • How do you know when you have released an offender fully?
    • You can think about them and it doesn’t hurt anymore.
    • You can pray for God’s blessing on their life.
    • You can begin to look at understanding their hurt, rather than focusing on how they hurt you, because hurt people, hurt people.
  • In releasing an offender it is not always possible, it is not even always advisable, for you to go back to somebody who’s hurt you.
    • Use the empty-chair & un –mailed letter techniques
  • Replace my hurt with God’s peace.
    • Colossians 3:15 “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts.”
    • Romans 12:19 “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.”
  • The fact is relationships can tear your heart into pieces.
    • But God can glue those pieces back together and surround it and cover it with His peace over your pieces.
      • You must release those who hurt you so God can do some repair in your heart.

Make amends with those I’ve hurt

Why?

  • Because unresolved relationships are the root of your problem and they prevent recovery from happening.

Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled” Hebrews 12:14-15

How?

  • You make a list of those I’ve harmed and what I did.
    • Can’t think of anybody?
    • Is there anyone I owe a debt to that I haven’t repaid? -- Is there anyone I’ve broken a promise to? -- Is there anyone I’m guilty of over controlling? A spouse? A kid? A brother? An employee? Friend? -- Is there anyone I’m overly possessive of? -- Is there anyone I’m hypercritical of? -- Have I been verbally abusive to anybody? -- Or physically abusive? -- Or emotionally abusive? -- Is there anyone I have not appreciated or not paid attention to or forgotten an anniversary? -- Is there anyone I’ve been unfaithful to? Or have I lied to anyone?
  • Think how I’d like someone to make amends to me.
    • Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you’d have them do to you.”
  • There are three issues you need to look at:
    • Time
      • Ecclesiastes 8:6: “There’s a right time and right way to do everything.”
    • Attitude.
      • Ephesians 4:15 “Speak the truth in a spirit of love.”
      • Make restitution where possible. - Have nothing to hide. That gives you freedom and confidence.
      • Luke 19: 8-9 – Zacchaeus
      • The more serious your offense, the less likely you’re going to be able to make restitution.
    • Is it appropriate?
      • Proverbs says, “Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword but wisely spoken words can heal.”
  • Remember the qualifier on this step is “except when to do so would harm them or others.”
    • Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
  • Refocus my life.
    • Job 11: “Put your heart right, reach out to God, then face the world again, firm and courageous, then all your troubles will fade from your memory, like floods that are past and remembered no more.”
  • Three steps to refocusing your life:
    1. Put your heart right. Release and forgive.
    2. Reach out to God.
    3. Face the world again.
I have seen how they acted but I will heal them, I will lead them and help them and I will comfort those who mourn. I offer peace to all near and far. Isaiah 57:18